do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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