I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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