I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize