I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
