Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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