you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
