Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
