Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
