in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
