So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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