We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
