Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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