i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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