i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
