Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
