this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
