Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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