I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
