"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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