i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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