we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize