Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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