i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
