i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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