New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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