Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
