What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
