peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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