drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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