all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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