I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
