please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
