grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
