Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
