I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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