You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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