don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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