If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
