Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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