2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
