I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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