i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
