I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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