told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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