If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
