im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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