Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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