sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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