I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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