Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
