you guys were way drunker than both of me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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