No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
