I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she peed on how many people?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
