im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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