Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
