there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
