I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When did angry sex become our thing?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
