A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mom said you looked used
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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