he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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