Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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