Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
