Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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