do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
