It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
